Mmm..

Joy, Energy, Love.

My heart flutters when I think about you, how I cry for the taste of your heart. I sit on a line that is bearably seen. A giant shadow lurking behind a faint existence. Watching through quarantined connections, listening through filtered speakers. I love the stories about you, despite the jealousy they might bring, I still wish for your happiness on behalf of mine. Even now I hope for your smile over my own. I'd sacrifice myself for you to be happy.

Fear, Depression, Illusions.

I delivered nothing...Is this because of my obsession of watching you? How I can't release myself to you in fear of rejection, pain, or suffering. Even though it is natural that the security of your words would lead me to showing you my true self. Myself that I show to others, I shun away from you. A smile that tries to break through the barrier of the accused fake smile. The history we've begun had many obstacles, even now there lies a huge stone that never seem to melt under the acid rains. I don't remember a time when I never thought positive of you. When my mind strays away, it would always find itself back to only you. You were the calm of my storm. My eyes go blind during the sunny days, but the moon I stare gave me light to dream your dreams. I love you so much, but it hurts me so. Knowing that my heart never connected to yours when I thought it did. You are losing your patience, while I'm slowly gaining my daylight. I will make more time faster, even if it meant for me to change...

Desperation, Mindproof, Endless.

My words mean nothing to you now.. I have walked too slow on the pink road of love. If only I had this, if only I had that. Games I played and chose the wrong paths. Open routes that clearly showed me wonders, I close myself from fear of failure, for there will be no second try.. How wrong it was to not risk such outcome.

Hope, Truth, Reason.

Each night I sit to ponder. The many hours given to me by the moon gave me obsession over the flow of your time. Words rewind, replayed, revised. But now, words are never good enough.. If only the sunlight gave me more time. If only you could see through my eyes. Peer into my soul, and see that I yearn for more than the display of my closed shell. I have said it many times. You've forgiven me many times.

A fly of words? or a hope of home

I will stop for you, the deed you hated. No more for my friends. No more for me. More for you. I remember my dreams, those you know so well. I remember our promises, that I hold close to me. But a dream you've never heard from me, I hope it be true. I hope I don't fall apart. I love you so much. Too long have I said so to myself. I believe. Rewind, replayed, revised.

Excuses are excuses. But coincidences are coincidences as well. One day educated, one day disturbed, the next day available but the times didn't ring true. If families are to be together, then how does one simply disappear without disappointments? Could it be that the general path is to sacrifice? It does sound right. Too many examples sing within the fresh wind.

To tell you the truth, my single day feels short, but in reality, it is 3 days for you. The last commute resounds throughout those days for me. The feelings I caress continue long. It seems that I am able to suppress such pain or joy for long periods of time. I'm sorry if I can't keep up. But I learnt that now from our last short encounter. When I had thought it to be 8pm, to catch you on guard, I miscount 4 hours. Perhaps I'm far too eager to stall, if only you could see my heart.

What's going on? What're you doing? Why are you busy? Why do you rest so late yet so early too? Am I too serious? or am I too soft? I wonder what I can do now. Why am I so free when you are always in despair. Has it always been this fragile? or have I punched a hole through an unbreakable bond.

I never learnt anything. My past relationships were all fake. They were none to take. You were my first true. Little do I know of the clockworks of such endeavor.

I don't care anymore. I want you to stay. But you already decided to walk away. The thing I fear most. My daydreams are of us, but I have a feeling that in the end, my dream of red, white, and night, might come true. How you sit there with a friendly smile.. Over disappointments, over expectations, naught but cold, empty, friends.

I wont say what I'm dedicated to now, but they are all for you.