A visit to the heart.

Wishes.

I wish things were simple, like they are to others. If you were close by, I could escape reality's harshness. If you were in trouble, I'd hug you and tell you that everything's alright. I wonder how you can cope so well, the inability to breathe the same air, and more other inabilities..... Or rather you hide it so well, as to keep me safe from worries. Your attention feeds my core, the internal combustion system that drives my days. My lack of romance reflects upon my lack of acceptance towards those inabilities. I'm sorry for being such a stone to that simple act.

I've found new light; you stand firm, strong, and godly against those fearful inabilities. Your angelic smile appears when dead hours come. I've come to understand that these inabilities are simply equivalent to nothing. I'll follow your lead. And rest my anxiety.

For now, I'm happy that we share the same skies, the same hearts, the same visions.

I'll sit back, relax, and share your smile :)

You are my everything.

Brittany Victoria Cahill.

Mmm..

Joy, Energy, Love.

My heart flutters when I think about you, how I cry for the taste of your heart. I sit on a line that is bearably seen. A giant shadow lurking behind a faint existence. Watching through quarantined connections, listening through filtered speakers. I love the stories about you, despite the jealousy they might bring, I still wish for your happiness on behalf of mine. Even now I hope for your smile over my own. I'd sacrifice myself for you to be happy.

Fear, Depression, Illusions.

I delivered nothing...Is this because of my obsession of watching you? How I can't release myself to you in fear of rejection, pain, or suffering. Even though it is natural that the security of your words would lead me to showing you my true self. Myself that I show to others, I shun away from you. A smile that tries to break through the barrier of the accused fake smile. The history we've begun had many obstacles, even now there lies a huge stone that never seem to melt under the acid rains. I don't remember a time when I never thought positive of you. When my mind strays away, it would always find itself back to only you. You were the calm of my storm. My eyes go blind during the sunny days, but the moon I stare gave me light to dream your dreams. I love you so much, but it hurts me so. Knowing that my heart never connected to yours when I thought it did. You are losing your patience, while I'm slowly gaining my daylight. I will make more time faster, even if it meant for me to change...

Desperation, Mindproof, Endless.

My words mean nothing to you now.. I have walked too slow on the pink road of love. If only I had this, if only I had that. Games I played and chose the wrong paths. Open routes that clearly showed me wonders, I close myself from fear of failure, for there will be no second try.. How wrong it was to not risk such outcome.

Hope, Truth, Reason.

Each night I sit to ponder. The many hours given to me by the moon gave me obsession over the flow of your time. Words rewind, replayed, revised. But now, words are never good enough.. If only the sunlight gave me more time. If only you could see through my eyes. Peer into my soul, and see that I yearn for more than the display of my closed shell. I have said it many times. You've forgiven me many times.

A fly of words? or a hope of home

I will stop for you, the deed you hated. No more for my friends. No more for me. More for you. I remember my dreams, those you know so well. I remember our promises, that I hold close to me. But a dream you've never heard from me, I hope it be true. I hope I don't fall apart. I love you so much. Too long have I said so to myself. I believe. Rewind, replayed, revised.

Excuses are excuses. But coincidences are coincidences as well. One day educated, one day disturbed, the next day available but the times didn't ring true. If families are to be together, then how does one simply disappear without disappointments? Could it be that the general path is to sacrifice? It does sound right. Too many examples sing within the fresh wind.

To tell you the truth, my single day feels short, but in reality, it is 3 days for you. The last commute resounds throughout those days for me. The feelings I caress continue long. It seems that I am able to suppress such pain or joy for long periods of time. I'm sorry if I can't keep up. But I learnt that now from our last short encounter. When I had thought it to be 8pm, to catch you on guard, I miscount 4 hours. Perhaps I'm far too eager to stall, if only you could see my heart.

What's going on? What're you doing? Why are you busy? Why do you rest so late yet so early too? Am I too serious? or am I too soft? I wonder what I can do now. Why am I so free when you are always in despair. Has it always been this fragile? or have I punched a hole through an unbreakable bond.

I never learnt anything. My past relationships were all fake. They were none to take. You were my first true. Little do I know of the clockworks of such endeavor.

I don't care anymore. I want you to stay. But you already decided to walk away. The thing I fear most. My daydreams are of us, but I have a feeling that in the end, my dream of red, white, and night, might come true. How you sit there with a friendly smile.. Over disappointments, over expectations, naught but cold, empty, friends.

I wont say what I'm dedicated to now, but they are all for you.

Polyphasic fail

I found out that the act of sleeping every 4 hours is too unconventional in our 24hr/day period on earth. The next best thing would be a polyphasic sleep with 1 core sleep in it. this is when afternoon naps are added to a normal day. the result would lead towards 2 naps during the day and one 4-5 hour sleep during the night. But even so, you only save perhaps an hour or 2 at max.. also discipline is a requirement to keep such scheduled sleeps...

Conclusion: too hard for me ahaha

Back to blogging..

Hi. I'm back, but for a reason.

I wanna try out an experiment... mostly out of curiosity and to see its benefits and disadvantages it has for myself. Its called, Polyphasic Sleep.

Basically, it means sleeping more than once a day. Most of the people in the world sleep monophasically, that is, 8 hours a day, then awake time of 16 hours to make up our 24 hour days. But with polyphasic sleep, it consists of 6, 20 minute naps, throughout the day.

Now, most people would think "it wont work, you'll be sleep deprived, you wont have energy, you cant concentrate, and its not healthy"..

Here's the catch:

There are 5 different phases of sleep. One of them would be sleeping with REM (Rapid Eye Movement). This is the phase where people tend to dream... but besides that, study shows that REM phase is the only phase required to refresh yourself from a good night sleep. In other words, the other 4 phases are not required to reboot yourself for the next wake up time.

Also, according to this guy, he managed to keep up polyphasic sleep for more than 5 months before returning to monophasic sleep.

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/10/polyphasic-sleep/

He concluded that polyphasic sleep is highly effective, however, because of the odd hours of nap time, his schedules must go around them. He did not have any health problems, he said his alertness is higher than that of when he slept monophasically, and that he had more energy throughout the whole day equally. He also did workouts and recovered naturally as anyone would. In other words, there are more benefits for the body and mind with polyphasic sleep than that of monophasic sleep.

Explanation:

Imagine waking up from 8 hours of sleep. The mind and body requires maybe an hour or 2 to function 100% after waking up. Whereas after small naps, it functions 100% within a few minutes of waking up. This is because the body was not in hibernation and does not require a boot up time to work 100% again.

Furthermore, at the end of the day, most people get exhausted and lose energy and concentration. This is a sign for them to go to sleep. This happens because the mind and body is constantly operating throughout hours and hours of awake time during the day. Unlike polyphasic sleep, you rest and regenerate every 4 hours; refreshing both mind and body for constant concentration and energy.

That's what I figured anyhow..

Benefits:

2 hours sleep a day = more awake time = more productivity.

Higher concentration + constant energy replenishment.

Disadvantages:

Gets in the way of schedules.

Most people get bored with so much extra time.

If you're interested, read more on http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/10/polyphasic-sleep/

Scroll down and you'll see log entries of how he went. Skip to "Polyphasic Sleep 2.0" to see his conclusions, also "The Return to Monophasic" to see his reasons for stopping polyphasic sleep.

Now, I'll try :). Naps are scheduled to 2am, 6am, 10am, 2pm, 6pm, 10pm accordingly. btws, he mentioned that it took him a week to get used to it. I'll record my opinions from here on.